So while the Doctor was talking to Tut, Ay came in and informed everyone that three more guards were sick. I was like Doctor, if it’s spreading through the guards that fast, shouldn’t we set up a quarantine? The daleks said it would take over the world!
And he came over to me and was like Audrey, think of what you told me about the translation on those sarcophagi. They weren’t lying in the shadow of the king, they were waiting. There are six guards sick now.
I was like …
And then I was like BUT BUT BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO I MEAN WE CAN STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING RIGHT?
He looked at me for a long time and then he was like, Yeah, of course.
But then I was like… BUT IF THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN THEN YOU DON’T COME SAVE ME, THEN WE DON’T COME BACK HERE AND STOP IT…SO IT DOES HAPPEN AFTER ALL. IT’S A PARADOX.
His face was just like
Don’t think about paradoxes. It’s not going to help.
And I was like what, like, when you got out of the Pandorica by going back in time and saving yourself after you got out? That doesn’t make any sense!
Him: It’s just how time works! You know, it’s not all a straight line.
Me: OMG. PLEASE SAY THAT LINE. You know, the wibbly wobbly timey wimey one.
Him: What? No - I’m not going to say it
Me: JUST DO IT.
IT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
And then he tried to explain to both King Tut and Ay that the daleks are not gods, they’re these evil aliens who destroyed his whole race and want to destroy everything that isn’t a dalek. But then they were all confused about his race, so he tried to explain that he was a time lord from a different world out in the stars, but they thought he was trying to say he was a god, and they didn’t buy that at all.
For a little bit, I was worried we were going to be thrown in a dungeon. Or mummified alive for speaking blasphemy. But I was like WAIT, I HAVE TO BE ALIVE IN THE FUTURE, and then I was like… oh no. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey.
But then Ay was like WELL DON’T YOU THINK IF THESE… DALEKS WERE ACTUALLY HERE INFECTING THE GUARDS, WE WOULD NOTICE THEM IN THE PALACE SOMEWHERE?
And the Doctor was like WELL THEN WHY DON’T WE HAVE A GIANT SEARCH PARTY.
And Ay was like FINE.
And the Doctor was like FINE.
And King Tut was like FINE.
So while they all went off on their search, I decided to go see the sick guards again. I figure if they’re all possibly going to become undead mummies some day, we can at least make them comfortable, yeah? So I go and try to be all nurse-like, but they’re just kind of whimpering miserably.
So I put some damp cloths on their foreheads and while I’m sitting there, one of them reaches out to me with this shaky hand, and he’s like, “Something’s not right with us. Something’s not right with this place anymore. We’ve been touched.”
I was like, “What are you talking about, touched by what?”
But then he was just mumbling, only half conscious really, and it sort of changed what he was saying to “We have to touch. We have to touch. It’s the only way. We have to touch.” And he kept saying that until he was totally unconscious.
The guards are all a lot worse than before. Even the ones who weren’t sick before today seemed worse. And I kept thinking of the mummies who came back to life. They kept trying to touch everyone. And everyone they touched turned into a mummy. It was terrifying then, but here it seems like… they’re the ones who are terrified. And they just want to touch someone human.
Eventually I left them to go meet up with the Doctor, and when I found him I asked him really seriously if we’re going to be able to save the guards.
He just said he didn’t know. That there was a good chance it’s a fixed point in time and space. Like Pompeii.
I was like, But we’ll try, won’t we?
And he was like, Yes. We’ll try.